Sleepless on a Sunday night...

It's 1am on a Monday morning and here I am writing. I've been watching Dr G Medical Examiner. I like Dr G. Of course there's been a flurry of medical examiner shows. Our own medical examiner here in Knox County, Dr Sandra Elkins got involved in that sort of thing.She got sued.Her boss in Nashville got sued for something similar.Using the bodies of the dead without their families' permission.I don't know who paid off the families. Whether it was the doc, the State of TN, or her employers since she is also a LABCORP employee.Plus she teaches classes for the University of TN. At least that is what I have heard and read. I wonder how she has the time to do all of that. She must be a very busy person.

Of course I am busy.I sent in my application to become a community columnist for the News Sentinel.I hope I am selected. It would be something different for me. Another way to make a living.
What I don't know is whether I still have the intensity to do that sort of thing. My anger is what has been driving me. I believe it feeds my writing.I feel inspired to write when I am angry.Now I feel my intensity starting to fade. I am getting burned out. I am old, fat and tired. I am despondent. So what can I do to revive my intensity ? Maybe if I am selected as a columnist where I know for sure people will be reading what I write that will inspire me.I hope that is the case. I wonder if I'll get a press pass and be able to go to special events and get/obtain interviews, seeing people I usually wouldn't get to see if I am selected.We shall see.

I went to the meeting friday night. It wasn't a surprise nobody from law enforcement came. They must be very embarrased and very insecure to make the excuse they made, that the publicity had hindered the investigation.It's funny because other law enforcement people say how much they need the help of the public in solving cases while the Sheriff apparently doesn't want any. It's a rather cowardly excuse they made. It's disgusting.
I wish I could solve the case.Maybe it would help me feel good about something.I haven't felt good about anything since Rose died. I don't know if I can ever feel good, but if I could solve this case maybe it would help. This isn't about the money for me.It's about ..redemption.I guess that's the only way I can describe it. Redemption.

I never did hear anything back from the NJ state police. I did a zabasearch and found someone in Jersey City, NJ with the same last name. Christine's last name. It's an unusual last name.So I am thinking of emailing the Jersey City police department and asking them to look into it.Maybe they will listen. If they would tell me she is ok I would be satisfied with that. She told me a lot of things in her emails.She has been through a lot. She deserves better. I wish I had had money so I could have helped Christine. I have this big heart but it's worthless to me. Absolutely worthless. It doesn't do me any good, despite all my good intentions.